If you need a reason....

"It's like my life is buffering"

Today is “Throwback Thursday.” Let me throwback to when I actually kept up on this blog. It’s been at good 4-5 months and 2-3 guys since I’ve put together a post. I don’t really have an excuse and I’m not going to do the thing we all did in our diaries growing up “I will write in you everyday!” because, well, I don’t want to set myself for failure. But I think this could help me get the refresh I need.

 

Usually I love a good life refresh. Coming off of a contract, relationship, moving to a new place, whatever the spark is, doesn’t matter. Put me in a position that I need to organize a plan and execute on my calendar gives me such a life orgasm. I’m not sure why I can’t seem to get my shit together this time. Let me layout my current need for a refresh as quick as possible:

 

Work: The US Open is over. My current job description kind of looks like this: ???!@NSKD???? Meaning I can extend my contract as long as I would like but I don’t quite know what I’m doing when I’m sitting the office. As a career-oriented person who thrives off being busy, productive, and moving forward, this is frustrating to me. I enjoy working here, but don’t want to stay if it’s just going to stay status quo. Long story short, I don’t have a plan yet and it’s making me anxious.

 

Love Life: My long-term ex and I haven’t spoken in over 2 months. No communication. Nada. The guy I was trying on in August and September turned out to be keeping me as a back-burner bitch. An entire post dissecting this I’m sure will come. I currently have a crush but I’m too much of a pussy to make a move. Long story short, I’m alone again.

 

Friends: My friends are wonderful. I love everything about them. Except their locations. They are scattered all over the country and this wasn’t more apparent to me until when I found myself going through a break-up and no one was bringing me over ice cream.

 

Family: ? Well. Status Quo.

 

Me: I’m realizing my attitude here may be a little pathetic. Wah. I’m lonely and un-motivated. It’s the kind of thing I would usually ready and think put your big girl panties on and fix it. Make a plan. Something I love to do. However, I’ve been having trouble finding motivation to do that. I can’t bring myself to hit that refresh button. Instead, I'm just watching the video while it's buffering, waiting in anticipation to let it play out.

 

I don’t know why it’s been tough to hit the refresh. Maybe I’m out of refreshes and I need to close the browser and re-open. All I know is that something needs to happen. CUE VEGAS.

 

It just so happens I have a lovely 9 days planned coming up. Cape Cod - > Boston - > NY - > LA - > VEGAS! I’m pretty much visiting the best of the best people in my life over the next 9 days, seeing some of my favorite places in the country, and oh yes, dancing my ass off. Without putting all my eggs in one basket, I can only hope some kind of clarity of what the next step is in my life.

STAY TUNED

So This Just Happened

This is a real conversation I just had with a guy I'm getting to know. Met on Tinder. Been trying to make a date for a couple weeks.  I literally don't know how to respond. I know he means it as a compliment, but thanks for asking the same fucking questions I ask myself everyday.

Tuesday Truth: What Defines You

Monday Motivation: Rock that #tinder girl

I've always had a guilty pleasurable love for Hilary Duff. She's the pop star I've always wanted to be and given we are the same age, i'm pretty sure we would be best friends if we were to meet. Her latest video has only confirmed that even more. She shows herself going out on Tinder dates, a dating app that I have used for the past year and has been responsible for the majority of my dating life. 

Unfortunately, her dates look to be a friggen blast, unlike the majority of mine. Much less giggling and go-carting and my include much more awkward conversation to get through the drinks to get back to their apartment. Either way, shes given me a little bit of hope again. #tinderongirl 

#ILived: "Bison May Be Dangerous"

This year, I spent my Valentine's Day on Antelope Island in Utah with a great friend of mine. She came to visit me while I was living out West and we spent the day celebrating our singledom by stalking Bison.

Antelope Island is an incredible piece of land in the Great Salt Lake that is the home to over 500 Bison who roam free throughout the 26,000 square foot reserve. Not only was the landscape breath-taking, but the herds of Bison running around us (very closely I may add!) was so inspirational. It was one of those moments you truly realize how insignificant you are in the world. I got about my day to day, and freak out about the little things, but there are wonders like this that exist and will go on for centuries after i'm gone. It's a weird complex between feeling inspired to grow and appreciating the simple life. It was one of those days that I will always remember and appreciate forever!

Monday Motivation: For Myself