In honor of this MAN FREE lent and all the wonderful reflections on my dating history, I thought I would share this recent doozy.
To say being single and dating is an adventure is quite the understatement. Just when I think I have had the strangest encounter, another one comes out of nowhere and raises the bar. My whole life has been this way, part of that "everything that's going to happen will happen to you" theory my mother has instilled in me. I always threaten to write a book, sharing the atrocities of male behavior with the world, but I think this blog will be a safer option. I do have the title already picked out: "Lies Men Told Me."
Let me dive into the latest sideswipe. Definitely not one of the worst one's i've seen, but print worthy for sure. Before we get too much further, let me share one of our last text threads:
#winner.
Granted, there should have been some flags. When I arrived in Utah back in November for my latest contract, my friend and I hit Tinder to see what Salt Lake City had to offer. We were both single and ready to make the most of our latest life decisions.This gentleman, who I will refer to as "Andy" was one of my first matches. Attractive, funny, well-mannered (aka not asking me to come over in the first 10 minutes of speaking), overall, he seemed like a good-time. He asked me to grab a drink later that week, so I agreed. Why not?
We met at a SUPER dive bar. His suggestion. As I walked in, alarms were going off in my brain everywhere. It was a rough crowd and definitely not one I fit into. As soon as I saw him and sat down, he said "let's drink our beers fast and go across the street to a different bar, it's a little sketchy in here." PHEW. He was back on the table.
We had a great first date. Played pool and when I offered up a second game, he said "no, let's sit and talk, I want to get to know you." +5 points.
Despite telling me that he was divorced with 2 children, I agreed to see him again. Given my dating pool is usually on the older side, i've never been to hard on guys with kids. It comes with the territory. While 30 and in this situation definitely caught me off guard, I reminded myself I was in Utah and it was a different game.
We saw each other 2-3 times a week for the next few weeks. We had a blast together. I wasn't looking for anything serious, given I was leaving the state in 3 months, which made for some awkward conversations when he he said "I guess you can't plan your life around a relationship." Oh buddy,if you only knew.
Around Christmas, be broke the 4th wall and introduced him to a couple of my friends. He joined us for dinner and everything went great. Friend approved, check!
Little did I know, that would be the last time I would see him.
Looking back on it now, it seems strange that this was our last encounter. It is good to have the supportive word of my friends who were there, assuring me that everything seemed great between us and that I was not delusional. After I got back from Christmas, he just simply wasn't available. He always had his kids or was working. I tried to shrug this off as reasonable excuses, considering children and work should come first and I was not available to turn into a girlfriend, but it still bugged me. I had no idea what happened between BC and PC before Christmas and Post Christmas), and was working hard not to let it bother me and from sending long winded text messages. I had the self-control not to come off like a crazy girl, but I didn't hold the pride I wish I did in not texting at all.
Luckily work got crazy for me and I slowly forgot about him. If anything helps me get over a guy, it's a good work distraction. He popped up every so often, checking in on how I was doing, friending my friend in Facebook three weeks later (!?), but nothing of substance.
Cut to post-fest. I had been in go-mode for so long working the Festival, that once it was over and I only had a couple weeks left, I was bored and looking for attention. (Not to mention I had returned from a weekend away with my ex boyfriend, a post for another time.....). After one attempt to hang out that didn't come to play, I received those texts from him. I guess a few blanks were filled in...
I wasn't quite sure how to react to this. Sure, I knew he didn't quite have his life together, but he was cute and sweet and I wasn't looking for marriage. I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed that he truly WAS such a mess. Also, why did he think it was a good idea to share all of these woes with me now? Was this an attempt for one last roll in the hay? If selling weed for your friend while he is in jail is considered an admirable gesture to him, definitely not going to chalk it up to a loss.
BC: He was trying to impress me with this life ambitions for his business.
PC: He tries to impress me with selling weed for his friend.
I wish I could say this was the end, but sadly no, I let it continue. When he invited me over later that weekend, I agreed. After all, we did have a great time in bed and I had nothing lined up for when I returned to the east coast, so who knew the next time I was going to get any. However, I learned my lesson. When I texted him later on in the night to see if he still wanted to hang out, I got no response. At this point, I only had myself to be mad at. Why the hell was I giving this guy a third chance?
I tend to do this a lot. Give men lots of chances in hope that they'll change and things will be different. It's kind of ridiculous that as i'm doing it, I know I shouldn't be doing it, and I know I will regret it, but I just can't seem to pass up that male attention.
This experience was a big factor in my taking this time away from men. I feel like I have got to this place in my life where i'm consciously realizing what i'm doing and would like to stop. I just keep settling for anything that's on the table just to have something so i'm not alone. Being okay alone is the first step to fixing this behavior, so here I go, cold turkey.
Something similar happen to you? Thoughts on his behavior? Mine? Gimme your thoughts!
